GLEE

So Good

Back to School

Got up at 6am today. Work and Performances today. Welcome Week begins today. 1st full day on campus today.

Good Morning Irvine!!!!

....

School feels like it really hasn't changed that much since I've been back. When I say school, I usually refer to just being back to the Irvine/OC area as a whole. This is probably due to how much the areas outside of campus have influenced my experiences in college, so I've just used the encompassing term of just "school". Almost everything feels familiar and just the way it was since I left for DC. But a part of me still feels a disconnect.

Maybe I've grown out of Irvine? Maybe living somewhere outside the bubble is causing a disconnect for me by being back? Maybe my relationships have changed with people. Maybe Irvine as a city, just sucks?! I'm figuring it out as I go.

I had a conversation with my pal Michi while we were in DC and we try to always hold each other accountable to what we both said in that talk. Being away gave me a lot of time to reflect and look at myself and my actions. A lot of what I discovered would have been impossible to figure out had I not left school to live somewhere else. Coming to (hopefully) me last year of school, I don't want to make those same mistakes. I don't want to fall back into the same routines and patterns of behaviors that would frustrate me and other people. I'm trying to practice actions that will hopefully just become second nature, without requiring extra thought. Though I notice, that because my school environment is so familiar, it just makes it so much easier for those past routines to fall back into place.

Maybe I'm just scared to try new things? Maybe the uncertainty of changing routines and breaking commitments brings me anxiety? Maybe I need to be more active and less reactive in changing my situations?

Regardless, I'm staying optimistic about what lies ahead.